Halloween Hijinks Gumi-Style - Because What Could Be More Fun!
by Gumi Reloaded
Summary: These are some short offerings for our Halloween challenge. All stories include some of our Gum Reloaded characters, but the stories are not part of the regular GR timeline. All include three items and three phrases which were chosen randomly. The challenge was to come up with something that included everything. Hope you have as much fun reading them as we had writing them.
1. Chapter 1 - For the Love of a Latte

**Halloween Hijinks Gumi Style...Because What Could Be More Fun**

This is one of our short offerings for Halloween. All stories include some of our Gumi_Reloaded characters and all include ghree items and ghree phrases which were chosen randomly. The challenge was to come up with something that included everything. These stories are not part of our GR story time line.

**Words...**

pumpkin spiced latte

cat

turnip

**The mandatory phrases are... **

1\. There's always room for sparkly glitter

2\. It was/is ten minutes before midnight

3\. Is that a flaming bag of poo/shit?

**Chapter 1 - For the Love of a Latte**

The gray-eyed woman glanced at her wristwatch. It was ten minutes to midnight. Tokio was sitting on their living room couch, legs up and extended, sipping a pumpkin spiced latte. It was that season after all. Some people hated the drink. Her husband instantly came to mind. Speaking of the Major, he wasn't even home from work yet. The attorney just shook her head. At least the man didn't have as many assignments away from home in this era as he had back in Meiji 1. But considering the day she'd had, she really wanted to go to bed, but not without him. Ever since they married she refused to retire for the night without him, regardless of how little sleep she would get.

As soon as she heard the garage door opening she was on her feet. She took a large swig from the Starbucks' cup before setting it on the small teakwood table next to their new couch, the couch she'd insisted on buying, because it allowed all of them to sit comfortably next to each other when they watched televised New Meiji Samurai games

Tokio made it to the door that opened to the garage just as her husband stepped inside.

When Saitoh walked in the door he was very tempted to ask his wife, 'Is that a flaming bag of poo I smell?' Because it smelled just like a cat did its business somewhere in the kitchen.

However, saying that would be an affront to her housekeeping skills and that was never a place a smart man would venture, and Saitoh prided himself on being a very smart man, usually, except for sometimes when it concerned the black-haired woman approaching the door. He really couldn't help it if his nose was a sensitive as that of a wolf.

Hm...he was beginning to have a suspicion about that odor. Hadn't he smelled that before quite some time ago?

"Welcome home Hajime," his wife purred before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. This penchant of hers never surprised him because this was their ritual if he came home after the kids were in bed. Of course being who he was he was more than ready to reciprocate, or at least she thought he was until he pulled back with a grimace on his face..."Gads, Tokio! Have you been drinking that swill again?"

There was no way the man was going to tell his wife, that as far as he was concerned, that stuff she had to be drinking tonight gave her breath the scent of cat tinkle. Not unless he wanted to sleep on the living room couch for the rest of their married life. And not unless he wanted a bop on the head hard enough to make him admit to his youngest son that there's always room for sparkly glitter when glue and a Mother's Day card were involved. The man hated glitter. It was completely contrary to his tidy nature. Once the stuff escaped either the glue or that little round container with the ill fitting lid it was worse than a visit from your mother-in-law or three day old fish. (Well not a visit from Tokio's mother. That woman made soba to kill for and enough of it to stuff a wolf.)

Except for not having her snuggled beside him...and that was an unacceptable option in his mind...the new couch was quite a comfortable place to sleep compared to their old one which was way too short for his tall, lanky body.

"I thought I told you last fall that I never wanted to taste that stuff on your lips ever again." Her head was as hard as a turnip when it came to something she wanted to do, and he knew it, since they'd butted heads a few times over the years. "You'd better go wash your face and brush your teeth or you are not getting another kiss from me tonight," he quipped with a barely concealed smile.

All of this was followed by a sly smirk, making it clear that he was only teasing her and restarting their traditional fall drink disagreement. As far as the police officer was concerned, what his wife was drinking was akin to polluted pond water or worse.

The attorney sighed and rolled her eyes, much too tired to engage in this argument this late at night. "I'm not pouring the last of it down the drain...and you may want to sleep in the extra bedroom tonight...the rest of the latte is sitting on the table next to the new couch."

Her eyes glittered playfully like a cat's in a dark room before turning her back to him and heading down the hall to their bedroom. He followed behind her, removing his jacket, slinging it over his shoulder and loosening his tie with his free hand. He anticipated the rest of the night would prove most interesting. She'd better make their breakfast coffee extra strong.

So there is my offering to out-of-control mind walk-a-bouts...subject to editing at any time.

Anreg


	2. Chapter 2 It's a Saitoh World After All

**Halloween Hijinks Gumi Style...Because What Could Be More Fun!**

This is one of our short offerings for Halloween. All stories include some of our Gum_Reloaded characters and all include three items and three phrases which were chosen randomly. The challenge was to come up with something that included everything. These stories are not part of our GR story time line.

**Words...**

pumpkin spiced latte

cat

turnip

**The mandatory phrases are... **

1\. There's always room for sparkly glitter

2\. It was/is ten minutes before midnight

3\. Is that a flaming bag of poo/shit?

**This one is by MightyMightyMunson.**

**Chapter 2 - It's a Saitoh World After All**

Saitoh Hajime was in a very bad mood.

While this was nothing new, the fact he was in a very bad mood while at The Happiest Place on Earth © was rather different.

Either way, the man had just made Mickey Mouse wet his pants.

Saitoh hated amusement parks.

He hated amusement in general but a place like this, where concentrated amusement for the masses was bought and sold amid happy tinkling music, disgusting pineapple whipped cones, screaming brats, coddling parents and enough fucking mouse hats to float a battleship had elevated his normal low burn of mal-contentment to something in the spectrum of barely restrained fury.

And I do mean barely.

To be fair, it wasn't entirely his fault. Heaven knows he would NEVER be caught within one hundred kilometers of this nightmare, not unless he was making an arrest or Tokio had managed to pull a fast one, what with her lawyerly ways and whatnot (and even then the most strenuous negotiations imaginable would have taken place before he would have grudgingly agreed to it…)

(I could be at home right now. With my wife. In bed.)

Saitoh glared at nothing in particular and everything in general, but not before intentionally tripping some twitter-pated asshat that was doing a shitty job of proposing and sending the sap head first into a man-made lake.

Saitoh hated proposals.

"Well speak of the devil and he appears."

Saitoh quite nearly tripped himself when he saw what Karen Watanabe was wearing.

"What the hell?" He blinked, the horror and wrongness of the moment clearly etched onto his features.

"I'm Glinda, the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz."

The white-haired woman twirled, clad in a monstrosity of a pink dress and a silver crown. The fact that her magic wand was a taser was the only thing that the costume had going for it. Saitoh for one, had always been a fan of the Bad Witch, the green hag with a screechy voice. Saitoh was firmly of the opinion that if she'd killed the brat from Kansas from the get go, the movie would have been much better.

"Oh, don't be such a killjoy, Hajime!" Karen chided, wondering how much trouble she'd get in if she Bippity-Boppity-Boo'd the man, "there's always room for sparkly glitter!"

Saitoh threw up in his mouth and kept walking.

"So, what are you dressed up as?" From what Karen could tell, the Criminal Investigations Major was wearing black pants, a black shirt, black boots and a black baseball cap.

"I'm a serial killer." Was the curt reply.

"Clearly," Karen hurried to keep up with the grump, "but what are you dressed up as?"

Chief Uramura looked around proudly, tears filling his beady, bureaucratic eyes as he surveyed the happy scene. It was ten minutes before midnight and the first annual NEW MEIJI POLICE DEPARMENT employee appreciation meeting was clearly a success. Because he loved being under budget, he'd been able to reserve the park from 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM for a steal AND also not experience a regrettable drop in employee productivity (since everyone had to be back at work promptly at 8:00 AM the next morning). Yes, this was what being a bureaucrat was all about.

Uramura took a sip of his pumpkin spiced latte with a dollop of non-dairy whipped topping on top and waited patiently in line for the mandatory ride that he'd insisted that ALL of his senior officers join him on.

"Is that a flaming bag of shit?" Saitoh, being much taller than most of the DOJ employees, still couldn't quite make out what he was looking at.

"Shh. That's Chief Uramura." Karen poked him in the side with her taser wand (thankfully turned off…for now) "He's supposed to be a volcano."

Saitoh frowned. "Looks like a flaming bag of shit to me."

"Hush. His wife made it," Karen hissed, as they made their way towards the ride entrance.

Saitoh gave the costume one last look. "Still shit."

Karen gave up.

A short, little man with an unholy penchant for red streamline staplers didn't.

**"YOO-HOO!" **

Saitoh swore.

Watanabe activated her taser wand.

The other DOJ employees began to scatter.

**"MAJOR SAITOH-SAMA!"**

Heedless of the line, Chief Senior Secretary Yorimoto barged his way up the line to where the clearly angry apple of his eye, the seething star in his celestial firmament was standing like a majestic, mal-tempered black telephone pole.

"Well, what do you think?" he twirled.

Saitoh blinked. Blinked again and then stared at the moron like he'd grown a turnip for a head.

"Can you guess who I am, Major Saitoh-Sama?"

Watanabe groaned and covered her eyes.

"A fuckwit that's about to get his ass kicked?" Saitoh suggested menacingly.

"Major, what did I tell you last week about your language?" A small, red-haired man with a scarred cheek who was a member of HR and was dressed like Grumpy Cat called out.

"Why, I'm you, of course!" Yorimoto looked down at his custom tailored Saitoh-sama uniform and preened happily. It was a splendid costume, though not half as splendid as the man who'd inspired it. It had a vest with zippers and buckles, handguns with blinky red and green lights, and best of all, a dashing black wig with angry bangs and a fake cigarette that he absolutely loved chomping on.

"Welcome to It's a Small World," a happy, brightly smiling Disney © "Cast Member" was cheerfully motioning for the line of rather unhappy DOJ employees to settle in their seats. One of the employees in particular looked like he needed a bit of a pick me up.

"Well, hello there!" The Disney © "Cast Member" with absolutely no survival instincts whatsoever said, looking up at the sour faced man clad in black, "And what are you dressed up as this fine, fine evening?"

"I'm a serial killer," Saitoh said venomously since HR was still within earshot.

"Oh, say! Isn't that…um…creative?" The training that the Disney © "Cast Member" had finished up three weeks ago hadn't quite prepared him for this sort of response, "so…this is how a friendly neighborhood serial killer dresses up? All in black?" He tried to chuckle.

The tall man glaring at him didn't.

"You can't tell if someone is a serial killer," Saitoh bent down so he was eye level with the Disney © "Cast Member", "that's what makes them so dangerous. One minute you're at work, trying and utterly failing to talk intelligently to a park-goer and the next thing you know…"

The Disney © "Cast Member" blinked. There was a knife at this throat, one that decidedly did NOT look like it came from Frontierland. The amber eyed patron smiled and the now clearly terrified man saw that the man had sharp canines that poked out a little like he was some sort of predator. A wolf, perhaps?

"…your throat has been neatly severed. It makes for a terrible mess, but you're dead before you know it so you can't really complain."

"Well…." The Disney © "Cast Member" tried to smile, but couldn't quite muster up the courage, "isn't…isn't…that just…lovely? What a kidder you are. Hah. Um. Move along?" He waited until the black clad menace did just that then raised his hand, motioning for his supervisor. "I need to take an emergency bathroom break, please!"

Meanwhile…

"It's a world of laughter and a world of tears…"

(Was it ever….)

Saitoh sneered, trying to figure out how to sit comfortably in the damnably small boat.

"It's a world of hopes and a world of fears…"

Watanabe side eyed her boss, wondering how long it would take before the man went ballistic.

"There's so much that we share…" Yorimoto was singing along, fake conducting the music, his bespectacled eyes shining as he gazed (or tried to) into the eyes of the most amazing police officer in New Meiji. "That it's time we're aware…"

"MURPHM!…GURGLE!…phhft…"

Neither Saitoh nor Armory Master Minato knew which one of them was _technically_ responsible for grabbing Yorimoto by the scruff his is abhorrently buckle infested police costume and throwing him into the water.

What they both knew was that neither of them let go of the man they were concurrently murdering until the thrashing stopped, the body in the water went limp and a fake wig and badly chewed on cigarette bobbed up to the surface.

"Feh." Saitoh smiled, amber eyes gleaming in the dark, "It's a small world after all."

FIN


	3. Capter 3

**Halloween Hijinks Gumi Style...Because What Could Be More Fun!**

This is one of our short offerings for Halloween. All stories include some of our Gum_Reloaded characters and all include three items and three phrases which were chosen randomly. The challenge was to come up with something that included everything. These stories are not part of our GR story time line.

**Words...**

pumpkin spiced latte

cat

turnip

**The mandatory phrases are... **

1\. There's always room for sparkly glitter

2\. It was/is ten minutes before midnight

3\. Is that a flaming bag of poo/shit?

**This one is b****y legalronin**

**Part One**

Okita breathed in deeply and let it out, he steeled his nerves, and mentally prepared himself for what he had to do. After all, this mission wasn't like the others, and his adversary would be on high alert. The current mission was an 180 compared to what he had been doing, but Okita was more than up for the challenge. He continued his breathing exercises, and rolled back his shoulders. "Get your head in the game," he told himself.

"That's what you're wearing?" Harada groused out. "I thought you'd be in something . . . prettier. I mean it seems a shame to hide that face."

Okita took the coffee cup Harada handed him, he could smell the tangy smell of the pumpkin spice latte, and wrinkled his nose. He preferred his coffees on the sweet end. "Harada how many times have I told you, but you're not my type."

Harada choked on his own pumpkin spice latte, "OY! That's not what I meant!" He glared at the other man, and mumbled out, "I rather kiss a turnip."

Okita chuckled and said, "I'll see if I can find you a turnip, then if not, I am sure Ebi would love to dress up as one."

Both men shivered at the mention of their oddest house-mate. Now there was someone that spread fear into the heart.

"Did you see what he was preparing before we left?" Harada asked.

Okita actually laughed. Ebi had taken an off-hand comment Okita had made and ran with it. "You're not talking about his Tinkerbell costume are you? I happen to think it's _fetching_. . . "

"Fuck that shit!" Harada barked out. "I'll be cleaning glitter out of my room till the end of time."

"Hey, there's always room for sparkly glitter. " Okita grinned.

Okita and his housemates had been discussing the Halloween festivities in Shibuya, and he had mentioned that he was rather fond of Tinkerbell to which Rin-chan had enthusiastically agreed. Ebi had then set it upon himself to make the most revealing - to Rin's measurements - costume he could. No one had wanted to even think about how the man had come across said measurements. Their little demon of a roommate had then used Harada's room to glitterfy the wings of the costume.

"I am actually amazed at how good he is with a needle," Okita wondered out loud.

Harada gave the shorter man a flat look, "Don't be . . . he used to be one of those people that makes underwear. Apparently he worked at a high end shop that made all their underwear by hand . . ."

Okita stared at Harada, his lips twitched, "Of course he did . . ." Then shaking his head he said, "Let's focus on the mission at hand."

Harada shook his head to rid the image of their prettiest housemate in a rather alluring cat costume, a man could hope, right? Right now he had to focus on their mission. "Speaking of the mission," Harada's voice took on a dangerous note, "why the fuck am I wearing this costume?"

Okita raised an eyebrow, he had asked for Harada's help on this mission because he trusted the man. The man would be discreet, and the only way this would work was if they took a two pronged attack. The man had already proven himself useful by sneaking in to see Okita, but they were running out of time. They would know if the mission was a success only when the night was over, and he had no desire in rehashing details. So in a dangerously low voice he said, "You know why. This only works if you're out there, and I take things from the inside."

Harada glared back, "Fuck you."

Okita quirked his eyebrow, "We've been through this. My answer is no."

Harada was startled, then he sighed in defeat he never won in a battle of wits. "Fine. I'll be out there but you owe me!"

Okita grinned, "Just think! You're at the happiest place on Earth, and you make a great Gaston." Okita picked up the head of his own costume, and gave his cohort a disgustingly cute pose before walking out.

Operation spy on Saitou was underway.

**Part Two**

"Damn," Harada snapped. It was a decidedly un-Disney like word, but he wanted a smoke, badly. He wondered how he had let Okita talk him into this mission. Hell, the man hadn't even told him why!

Harada looked up at the clock on the castle, it was ten minutes before midnight and he was supposed to meet the little demon at the designated point.

_Okita laid out a detailed blueprint of the park, and pulled out three tiny wooden blocks to represent each party. A Gaston block for Harada, a Beast block for Okita, and Tinkerbell for the target the infamous Saitou Hajime. Harada knew his comrade loved a theme, but even still the use of Tinkerbell seemed out of place. Whatever though, there was no understanding the man's whimsy._

_With the air of a military general Okita began detailing their plan. Harada, as Gaston, would attend the park as a customer, and carefully trail their target._

_Okita held up the wooden Tinkerbell block. "Listen up Gaston," Okita ignored the man's glower. "Our target is well trained, if you follow normal patterns of trailing he'll pick up on it faster than you can say North Star. No, you're going to have to think outside of the box, and then think outside of that box, and then think outside of that box -"_

_"Fuck Okita! I get the point!" Harada groaned. "He's a tough mother -"_

_Okita interrupted the other man continuing on as if he had never stopped, "to go unnoticed. It's going to be hard work, but we have a single advantage. Our target will never have stepped foot in the park before the designated day, but believe me he will be well aquatinted with the layout."_

_"And what will you be doing?" Harada crossed his arms, leveling his eye on the man._

_Okita placed Tinkerbell on the map, and picked up the Beast from "Beauty and the Beast." He grinned, "I'll be undercover, walking the park as the Beast and then later in the evening as the Prince."_

_Harada dropped his arms and gave his friend an unbelieving look, "You think they're just going to let you work at Disney? You know that's not going to work!" He slammed a hand down on the table and pointed an accusatory and triumphant finger, at least what was left of it. "You don't even look like the prince."_

_Okita shrugged, not really willing to tell Harada how he had managed to cross that particular hurdle. "Let's just say that the current cast member has taken ill." He raised an eyebrow and continued, "Plus, I've already been working at the park, and my connections came through for me."_

_Harada stared, opened his mouth and then stared some more. He finally found his voice and in a voice full of surprise said, "Is that what all those dance practices were about?!"_

_It was all starting to make sense. For awhile now Harada had caught the little shit practicing some kind of dance, said shit had even wrangled Harada into the fun. It was all in preparation for this moment . . . Well, he already knew the man didn't do things by halves._

_"You know what," Harada said, finding his bearings again, "I am actually impressed you managed to sweet talk your way into the Prince role."_

_Okita beamed, "If you ask me it's a fitting role."_

_"Whatever dude. You're the Beast."_

Harada had to hand it to Okita. They had managed to pull it off, the top brass of the police hadn't even noticed that two criminals were among them. Harada hated that Okita was right. Ah well, maybe Ebi had finally finished that Tinkerbell costume and Rin-chan would be tinkering about in it. He smirked at the thought.

Harada spotted Okita from a distance, the man was the fucking prince. He shook his head, keeping to the shadows as a small man in a very bad black wig nearly peed his pants in his excitement. Harada chewed on a piece of hay that he had picked off one of the displays, as he took in the short man's costume. It was something else . . . it had a vest with zippers and buckles and lights. He couldn't figure out what the man was dressed as, someone that really liked black?

Whatever floats your boat, Harada mentally decided. With no small amount of amusement Harada watched as a staff member peeled the over enthusiastic park goer from Okita.

Harada took the piece of hay out of his mouth and carefully made his way to Prince Okita. He knew that Okita, despite playing the charmer and posing for pictures, was keeping a careful eye on Chief Uramura.

With hearing long since trained through military experience he heard the loud, "YOO-HOO" the small man from earlier shouted out. Then even louder, "MAJOR SAITOU-SAMA."

Okita and Harada locked eyes. Okita motioned towards a bag in the bushes. Harada's electronic eye, a gift, saw it despite its clever hiding place. Whatever was in it was cleverly hidden in a loud, re-usable Disney bag with some green cat and purple bunny on it. Harada mentally applauded Okita's cunning, this would make it easier to walk around the park with.

Harada nodded that he had picked up the goods and disappeared without a trace. It was done. The mission had succeeded.

**later that night **

Harada watched as Okita rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck this way and that. When the man was close by he threw the Disney bag towards him, "Yo. It worked. We snuck that out from under the police's nose." Harada grinned.

Okita caught the bag easily, and he raised an eyebrow, "It looks like you had fun."

"Hey! It was a long day and our target didn't even show up till later so what if I rode some rides. We were there from open to close!"

Okita laughed, "And our target?"

"Dude," Harada rubbed his neck. "That man's paranoia is paranoid."

Okita chuckled, and then without looking at Harada asked in a seriousness that was uncommon for the man. "So, did you see your wife and son?"

Harada stopped in his tracks. "W-what? How did you know?"

Okita didn't even stop walking. "You agreed too quickly to this mission, and you mentioned before that your son loved Disney during Halloween. So, did you?"

Harada stared at the man's back. There was no way he remembered that, they had been piss drunk. "No, I guess they didn't go this year. . . "

Okita nodded.

Harada started walking again, silent for awhile before he cleared his throat. They were reaching the house now. "So what intel did you get?"

Okita stopped, and turned. He raised an eyebrow before he gave Harada his shit eating grin, "I'll show you."

"What the hell?" Harada stared down at the photos Okita had handed him. There was a photo with Okita in beast form with a very pissed off Major Saitou. The man looked about ready to rip the other's head off. Then there was one of a gray haired Glenda the good witch. Harada blinked this is what they prepared for? The rest of the photos were from the "It's a Small World" ride. Major Saitou and another man had knocked the man-with-the-bad-wig into the water. Now that he saw the Major and the man together he could tell that the wig was mimicking the Major.

Okita plucked the photo of him and the Major from Harada, and smirked. "I think it's beautiful."

"That's what you had us prepare for?! A fucking stupid photo!" Harada shouted. "You had us go to the park for that?!"

"Hey, even criminals need some fun and happiness," Okita laughed.

"Yea, whores and liquor fun!" Harada smacked his head. "Please tell me the bag has something worthwhile."

"Take a look for yourself."

Harada ripped off the top covering to discover . . . Disney themed popcorn buckets. There were five to be exact and each one different and each containing a different popcorn flavor. Harada was still staring in amazement, when had the man managed to buy these, when a bright colored blue churro zipped under his nose.

He blinked and took it tentatively. Okita was already gnawing on his.

"Cheer up Harada, believe me it was all worth it."

"So . . . who are the buckets for?"

"For us of course! BB8 is for you, Cinderella's carriage is for Rin, Winnie the Pooh for Ebi, and Buzz Lightyear for Ma."

" . . . You remembered I liked Star Wars. . . " Harada stared at the man and then quickly scowled as Okita stopped suddenly, his face in a grimace.

"What?" Harada ground out already on high alert.

"Is that a flaming bag of shit?" Okita motioned towards their front door.

It was then that the smell hit him, and his hand flew up to cover his mouth. Both men groaned out, "Ebi."

Harada snarled, "He doesn't deserve popcorn."

Okita sighed, "I am inclined to agree with you."

Harada looked over at Okita, and without thinking he said, "I'll clean up the shit BUT only if I can tell Rin-chan I bought her the popcorn bucket."

Okita turned to the man and considered him. "Fine. I mean if you're willing to put up with Ebi's shit." He shrugged and carefully made his way inside.

"...Wait a minute! You don't think!" Harada stared open mouthed, "ARGHHH!" He stormed in after the other man mentally preparing himself. That Tinkerbell costume better be ready, he growled to himself.

**A few days later**

"SAITOU-SAMA!" Yorimoto sing-songed, "Look at this picture from our trip to Disneyland! I got a picture with the prince!"


	4. C 4 The Perils of Prince Albert in a Can

**Halloween Hijinks Gumi Style...Because What Could Be More Fun!**

This is one of our short offerings for Halloween. All stories include some of our Gum_Reloaded characters and all include three items and three phrases which were chosen randomly. The challenge was to come up with something that included everything. These stories are not part of our GR story time line.

**Words...**

pumpkin spiced latte

cat

turnip

**The mandatory phrases are... **

1\. There's always room for sparkly glitter

2\. It was/is ten minutes before midnight

3\. Is that a flaming bag of poo/shit?

**This one is by MightyMightyMunson**.

Chapter 4 - The Perils of Prince Albert in a Can

It was ten minutes before midnight and Megumi still hadn't found what she was looking for.

Frantic, the fetching young woman dressed as Tinkerbell bounded through one of the many souvenir shops that lined the various pathways of Disneyland. She'd never been to the Happiest Place on Earth © before, and had all things been equal, she would have taken time to explore the amusement park.

Unfortunately, all things were NOT equal. She was in danger of losing a bet with her housemate. That wouldn't do. No, not at all.

"Tinkle! Tinkle! Tinkle!" The little gold bells on her bright green boots sounded merrily as the black-haired woman, clad in the guise of Peter Pan's rather murderous companion, ran through the souvenir store and skittered to a stop at the cash register. The beautiful gown that Ebi had fashioned for her was a study in couture fashion, resplendent in perfectly stitched, hand dyed satin, tulle and lace. With a plunging neckline, open back and a delicately stitched short skirt that perfectly resembled green summer leaves, the gown made Megumi feel like a Disney Princess ©, albeit if one with a slightly chilled bottom.

"Ah. Good evening!" Megumi said rather breathlessly, "say, I was wondering if you might know where I can find a product of yours?"

She paused and looked down at the Disney © "Cast Member" who was staring at something with a slack jawed expression.

"Are you all right?" Megumi asked, concerned. The Disney © "Cast Member" didn't reply, but kept staring at something. Megumi looked around, wondering what on earth had caught the poor fellow's attention to the point that he was unaware that a stream of drool was escaping his half open mouth.

"Do you require medical attention, Sir?" Megumi reached out and shook the clearly stunned store clerk.

"Is everything all right, Miss?"

Megumi looked at a short, red-haired man with a cross on his cheek dressed like Grumpy Cat. "I think this man is having a stroke." She turned and bent over the now prone employee.

"ORO!" The cat-eared man made a gurgling noise seconds before a violent nosebleed struck. He dropped his pumpkin spiced latte and booked it out of the souvenir shop with god-like speed.

**15 MINUTES LATER**

Megumi sighed dejectedly, a coat covering her shoulders, "I believe that there's been a misunderstanding, officer."

Saitoh glared at the woman who clearly had the IQ of a turnip. "Considering that the majority of your breasts and buttocks are on full display, I highly doubt that."

The black clad officer scowled and continued to write up the arrest paperwork for criminal intent to commit indecent exposure. The evening, while it had started off horribly, was looking up, after a refreshing exercise in attempted murder. Arresting what clearly was a sexual deviant was icing on the cake.

"Your lack of underwear, Dear, doesn't help matters." A grey-haired woman wearing a pink dress and massive silver crown pointed out, "though the fairy wings are a nice touch."

Saitoh snorted.

Karen brandished her taser wand in warning. "Hajime, I'll not say it again. There's always room for sparkly glitter."

"I'm going to lose my bet," Megumi groaned, "do you know what this means?"

"NO, and I don't remotely care." Saitoh had pulled out a pair of hand restraints.

"I have to go on a date with Harada-san," Nearly in tears she looked up at the two police officers, "Okita-san told me what Harada-san likes to do when he goes on dates. He should be the one you're arresting, not me."

"Okita-san?" Saitoh stopped writing up her arrest details and looked down at the nitwit of a woman, "Explain yourself."

"He said he liked Tinkerbell," Megumi said sadly, motioning to her costume, as if that explained everything.

"I bet he did," Saitoh's voice had dropped an octave and was positively glacial.

"What was your bet about?" Karen tried to keep a straight face and mostly failed as several puzzle pieces began to fall in place.

"Okita said that he'd always wanted a special souvenir from Disneyland," Megumi said mournfully, "Harada-san bet me that I couldn't find it."

Saitoh's eyebrow twitched.

"And what, pray tell, was the souvenir?"

"Prince Albert in a can," Megumi looked around the nearly deserted streets of the amusement park, "I've looked everywhere for it."

Captain Watanabe threw back her head and began to cackle like the bad witch from the Wizard of Oz rather than the good one.

Saitoh pinched the brow of his nose. "I'm going to fucking kill that brat."

"Language Major," the cat-eared, red-head from HR called out, several Kleenex tissues shoved up his nose.

**ONE HOUR AND A TRIP TO A TOBACCO SHOP LATER**

"Thank you for the ride," Megumi said gratefully.

"Moron, I'll not have you cause another riot," Saitoh growled. He'd lectured the woman on the values and merits of not accepting bets from criminal minds and always wearing sensible foundational garments. There was only one thing that remained before he could go home to Tokio's waiting arms.

Revenge.

Megumi opened the door of the police cruiser then stopped, her nose wrinkling with distaste.

Saitoh's did as well and he peered out the window, "Good God, Is that a flaming bag of shit?"

The rather endowed doctor dressed as Tinkerbell craned her head. "Yes, I do believe it is." She noticed that Harada-san was frantically trying to put the fire out and making quite a mess.

"You live in a nut house," Saitoh pointed out as he gingerly handed her a small package.

"Do you remember what to do?"

"Yes." Megumi looked at the brightly wrapped gift. "Thank you again for helping me find this for Okita-san."

"All in a day's work," Saitoh made some frightening expression that on a nicer man might have been a smile.

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER (and a well-needed hosing down of Harada's feet) **

"So, you see the Tobacco brand was named for the future kind of England, Edward VII. His family called him Albert of course," Megumi said, a bright smile on her lovely face as she held out the beautifully wrapped package, "though why you thought such a thing could be found at Disneyland is beyond me, Okita-san."

Okita took the package, his bright smile not quite reaching his brown eyes. "Thank you, Rin-chan."

"Well, I won the bet," Megumi bent down and put her hands on the table, "so I expect to see both of you at 5:40 PM dressed to the nines and ready to party." The New Meiji Swinging Silver Fox Club was having their annual banquet and she'd now procured two of the most eligible bachelors in the city to be dance instructors for the bevy of geriatric ladies looking for love.

Being a doctor had its moments. This was one of them.

Harada was able to get an eyeful of Rin-chan's charms before Okita kicked him in the shin under the table.

"Well, I'd better head to bed," Megumi said warmly before bounding off to her bedroom.

"Good night, Rin," Ebi poked his head out of the broom closet. He was holding a pair of fairy green, glittery panties and had a very happy, if slightly stoned expression on his face.

Harada cocked his head and looked at the prettily wrapped package sitting on the kitchen table. Okita had told him not to touch it but the man was still ripping Ebi a new one for stealing the lower half of Rin-chan's Tinkerbell costume. Harada whistled. While losing a bet sucked, getting to sneak a peak at the sweetest ass in New Meiji more than made up for it.

"What the hell," he muttered and reached for the present.

Megumi locked the door to her bedroom, then pulled out her purse and took out the riot gear face mask that Major Saitoh had given her and slipped it on. The lecture he'd given her about falling victim to the pranks of two impish housemates had been an enlightening one.

"Oi!" she heard Harada exclaim from the other side of the door, "there's something inside the can."

"No! Don't touch…" Okita shouted in warning.

A loud bang went off and in seconds, both men were choking and cursing as military grade tear gas filled the kitchen.

"Hey. That's cool." Ebi looked around, not even phased by the toxic fumes. It vaguely reminded him of his armpits. "A treat that was a trick. Righteous, dude."

Saitoh sneezed.

FIN


End file.
